Want to be heard by family,
co-workers, friends, and clients?
When you begin talking to someone do
they quickly lose interest in what
you have to offer? Want to hold
their attention, and have your
client convincing you they want what
you are offering? Would you like to
make your sales presentation fun
without feeling you are selling or
convincing?
Convincing never works because
people want to be heard not told
what they need. According to
spiritual principles, what you give
away you receive. If you want to be
listened to, observe how often you
listen to others. How often do you
ask questions? Do you ask questions
leading someone to an answer
according to your beliefs and the
way you think they should respond?
Are you so anxious to make your
point that you don't hear what the
other person is saying?
Giving someone your full attention
by listening is the greatest gift
you can give, and shows great
respect for the person you are
with. If you look at your watch or
the clock, fidget with something on
your desk, stare out the window, or
worse yet keep the television on
when you are listening to someone,
you will send a non-verbal message
that you really don't care about the
other person. Have you ever had
someone sit down next to you, look
at you while you are talking, maybe
even move their chair closer to
you? How did this feel when it
happened? Did you feel they wanted
to hear what you had to say? Most
likely!
Silence is good when listening but
sends a negative message if you give
no reply and can be taken as
disagreement.
Staying neutral helps the person get
their own answers. Many women
have stated that they don't like
sharing with their husband or
partner because that person tries to figure out a solution
and all they really wanted was to be
heard. The same goes for our teens
and young adults who are exploring
their own answers and learning who
they really are.
It is important to nod your head, or
make a short reply to be a part of
the dialog in order to make a
personal connection. Your reply is
best if it is neither in agreement
or disagreement with what the other
person is saying. They just want to
be heard. A person who is a
pleaser, will constantly feel like
they have to agree in order to keep
the conversation conflict free.
This is not necessary when you stay
nuetral. For example: "That is a
good point." "I never knew that."
"I understand." "I see." "That is
a lot clearer for me now." "Wow"
None of these replies indicate you
are in agreement or disagreement
with what they have said. It is
best to stay neutral so that you do
not get involved with the persons
process or end up in a challenge
about who is right or wrong.
According to our own perspective we
are always right, and both people
can be right according to their own
experiences. Comments that would be
taken as influencing would be,
"That's cool." "Oh, yes."
"Absolutely." These are best to be
avoided if you want to develop a
supportive, allowing, and
unconditional relationship.
What about when you drop your child
off at school? For those of you
with young children, how many of you
are so involved in getting on with
your day that you talk on the cell
phone when you are walking your
child up to the door? Do you really
think they don't notice your lack of
attention on them? Is that the last
thing you want them to remember
about you for the day? Doesn't your
child deserve more of your
attention?
What about that teenager that is so
anxious to experience life and wants
the opportunity to prove how capable
they are, and you begin by telling
them what you think is best or what
you expect? Did you ever think that
you have spent many years teaching
them what you expect and when you
continue to lecture, you send a
message of mistrust and a lack of
confidence that you did a good job
raising them? To strengthen the
relationships with your children,
start your conversation with, "I
know you know best," and see what
happens in your relationship. Ask
questions to your teen like, "How
would you handle this situation?"
Give them an opportunity to show you
how wise they are.
You will build the most amazing
relationships when you begin to let
go of your agenda, and focus on
their perspective, and you may even
learn something new. With clients,
listen in order to look for the
opportunities where you can best
serve them. That may only be a word
of encouragement, or it could be a
product or service you offer. By
asking questions you allow the other
person to come up with their own
answers.
It is just amazing when you let go
of any attachment to what you have
to offer and you enter into a dialog
with someone where the only
intention would be to get to know
them better. Just like a child who
is curious to learn, you can form a
deeper relationship with anyone if
you dig deeper into your dialog and
continue to ask clarifying
questions, with the main intention
of getting to know the person you
are talking to, whether this is a
co-worker, your child, your boss, or
your life partner.
Remember: Love happens when you "let
go".
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